Bubonic plague

I was just languishing in the bath when I noticed a small, perfectly circular red mark near my belly-button. It looks like a flat bindhi more than anything. Being the rabid hypochondriac that I am I quickly googled it – a number of medical-sounding sites came up so I clicked one which indicated that I may have the beginnings of the bubonic plague. I was thinking more along the lines of it being a paranormal symbol from an alien race of penguin people who live on a big red blob and wish to raise their profile by planting signs on members of the human species. Then again my brain often works in this way. Every evening as I brush my teeth in my little en-suite shower room I shut the doors and pretend that when I open them I’m going to be magically transported to a faraway land. Every night I also debate whether I’d actually like this to happen and I’m not sure of the answer. I think it could be fun but also scary. I also probably wouldn’t be able to google unidentifiable marks on my body so my hypochondria might get out of control or perhaps it would disappear. At least I wouldn’t have to live knowing I may possibly have the bubonic plague.

Does anyone else ever fantasise about shouting out really random things in meeting or classes? Sometimes when I sit in class I think “what would happen if I just shouted out – “I want a cheese sandwich!” really loudly?” I will always admire the girl in my sixth form who in one assembly just shouted out “Free the spoons!” took her top off and ran through the entire school half naked. It must be a great release to actually do something like that – I think if you can do that,  then you can do anything. As they say (do they?) madness is close to genius.